Sydney, Monday – A man who had just returned from a three-week European odyssey found himself held hostage in a 12-minute unsolicited monologue about someone else’s future holiday, after daring to mention his own.
Jeremy Todd, 44, had barely uttered the words “Yeah, I spent three weeks in Europe” when colleague and part-time conversational narcissist Brett from Accounts launched into a sprawling TED Talk-style breakdown of his upcoming trip – scheduled for four months’ time.
“I thought he was going to ask how my trip was,” Jeremy later confessed, still visibly stunned. “Instead, he just said, ‘Oh, I’m going in November,’ and I didn’t say another word for twelve minutes.”
According to eyewitnesses in the break room, Brett’s verbal PowerPoint began with the philosophy behind choosing Qatar Airways over Singapore Airlines, transitioned into a minor treatise on legroom ratios, and finished with a flourish about how he’s considering upgrading the Frankfurt leg to premium economy “if the EUR–AUD holds.”
At no point did he ask where Jeremy went, what he saw, or if he was bitten by a goat in the Albanian Alps. “He just… talked. At me. Like a podcast that didn’t ask for feedback.”
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “conversational hijacking,” or in more extreme cases, “narrative narcissism.” But in office kitchens across the country, they’re more commonly known as ‘The Hijacker.’
“These are the people who use your life events as a launchpad for their own autobiography,” said Dr Alana Trigg, a workplace psychologist and founder of the support group Just Let Me Finish My Sentence. “They often start with fake interest and end up reading you the director’s commentary of their own lives.”
Trigg says the Hijacker is often harmless but leaves behind a trail of frustrated, unheard individuals and lukewarm cups of tea. In Jeremy’s case, his lunch break was effectively erased.
“I spent three weeks roaming from Lisbon to Berlin, lost my phone in a Viennese beer garden, and accidentally witnessed a neo-folk puppet funeral in Kraków,” he said. “But Brett needed me to know—urgently—that he almost booked with Emirates but then remembered a TikTok about their catering.”
When asked if he’ll share travel stories with anyone else, Jeremy shook his head.
“I might just post a photo and let the algorithm do the rest. At least it doesn’t interrupt.”
Brett, meanwhile, has been spotted in the lunchroom corner practising his “Opening Remarks for Florence 2025.”
Have you been hijacked in a conversation? Do you have thoughts and feelings? Never mind—someone else is already telling you about their cousin’s gluten journey.
